I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Randomize
