Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
