Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
