chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
