so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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