Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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