Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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