I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
