we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
