Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
