you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
