In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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