dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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