Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
