The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
