You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
