she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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