I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
