I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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