Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
