and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
