i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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