I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
