I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
