I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
