I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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