I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
