i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
