Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
