i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
