There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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