he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
