just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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