you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
