i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
