I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
