I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
