I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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