when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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