He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
