i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
