Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
