the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
