ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
