im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
