I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You can't motorboat a personality
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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