is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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