So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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