I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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