some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
