ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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