yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
