giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
