3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
