but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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