can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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