On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
