Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
