Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
