My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
