I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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