Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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